Insecurity is a very hard thing to get over, but I’m learning I don’t have to be insecure.  About anything.

We all make mistakes in life and I’m beginning to believe that the way you deal with your own mistakes and your reaction to the mistakes of the people around you shows your character in a way that nothing else does.

P.S. Nevermind that I learned this yesterday when I was kicked in the nose by a horse I was grooming… Strangely, I’ve been slightly proud of this — as if it’s some type of badge of honor.  I just really need to sit down and figure out WHY I feel this way

P.S.S. Fortunately, my nose wasn’t broken. I did need three stitches next to my left nostril, but that’s okay. I’m a little bruised and sore today, but that’s okay too.

P.S.S.S. If you ever feel like you’re worried about too many things — past, present or future — and you just don’t know how to focus and clear your mind, a horse kick to the nose really does it for you quite quickly.  Not that I recommend getting kicked in the nose, but it definitely brings you face to face with reality.

P.S.S.S.S. Natural endorphins rock. Just sayin’.

3 stitches!

Image via Wikipedia

Currently, there are two bills in the American Congress that everyone who even touches the Internet needs to know about.  They’ve been bandied about in different areas, discussed on multiple forums, but nothing has really been said in the mainstream media about them.  Until today, when a number of the big sites have decided to organize a protest by blacking out their sites for one day, Wednesday, January 18, 2012.

Those bills are:

SOPA, the Stop Online Piracy Act

PIPA, the PROTECT-IP Act

Both of these bills would allow the U.S. Department of Justice the power to shut down access to “rogue sites” not located within the United States for “copyright violations.”  The DoJ would be able to force website operators to block domain names (http://www.domain.com/) for sites that contain copyrighted content or who host links to copyrighted content, make advertising agencies pull their advertising from a site listed as containing copyrighted content, hurt the security measure already in place on the Internet and more.

The effect of the passage of these two bills would be a increasing number of forced ripples of silence through the Internet.

Until there’s no one left.

My site will be blacked out tomorrow, January 18th, 2012, from 8am to 8pm, to show my support for Wikipedia and other websites who are going on strike. 

For more information:

The Truth About the Economics of the Blackout Bills (from EFF)

How PIPA and SOPA Violate White House Principles Supporting Free Speech and Innovation (from EFF)

How SOPA Would Affect You: FAQ (from CNet)

Related articles

• What is SOPA/PIPA and Why the Web is Going Dark on January 18, 2012 (aisjournal.com)
• SOPA vs. PIPA: Anti-piracy bills, uproar explained (digitaltrends.com)
• How PIPA and SOPA Violate White House Principles Supporting Free Speech and Innovation (advocacy.globalvoicesonline.org)
• Fight for the Internet – Jan 16 (energybulletin.net)
• EFF speaks out: DNS blacklisting just the tip of the SOPA iceberg (geek.com)
• STOP SOPA! Keep Uncle Sam’s Hands Off Our Internet (joetech.com)
• EFF: How PIPA/SOPA Fail the Administration’s Test (ammori.org)
• House shelves SOPA, but blackout protests continue [GigaOM] (gigaom.com)
• SOPA, PIPA, Hadopi, DEA, ACTA, Sinde and it goes on! (josetteorama.com)
• Current Community protests SOPA/PIPA – Are you In? (current.com)
• PIPA is the new SOPA (slog.thestranger.com)
• Wikipedia Will Go Dark On Wednesday In Protest Of SOPA And PIPA (businessinsider.com)
• Doodlekit Joins SOPA / PIPA Blackout Protest (prnewswire.com)
• Awesome YouTube Video Explains Why PIPA And SOPA Are Bad For The Internet Users; You Should Be Watching (essayboard.com)
• Internet Blackout: SOPA, Reddit, and Networked (Political) Publics (henryjenkins.org)

“Don’t read at the table.”

“Leave your book in the car!”

“We paid good money for these tickets for you to just sit there and read?!”

“Give me that flashlight and go to bed!”

I was probably the only child I knew whose parents had to fight in order to get her to NOT read every moment of the day.

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As I grew older, I started to realize there were a whole slew of experiences that I “missed out” on.

But there were a whole ‘nother slew of experiences I’d never have had:

The tears and catch in my throat at the end of Bridge to Terebithia, Where The Red Fern Grows and Summer of the Monkeys.

The puzzles in Carolyn Keene’s Nancy Drew mysteries, The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin, and most Agatha Christie mysteries.

The camaraderie in Lloyd Alexander’s Prydain Chronicles and the delicious torture of puns in Piers Anthony’s Xanth series.

As I was tormented by one of the worst of many stupid decisions, the full-fledged crush and love I felt for Sherlock Holmes who defeated my own extreme loneliness through thought and reason.

More recently has been the intellectual joy of the concepts in books such as The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall, Foucault’s Pendulum and The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco, Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaardner, and The Thursday next and Nursery Crimes series by Jasper Fforde.

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There have been many, MANY books in my life. Far too many to name every single one.

At 36, that’s a LOT of books and, while I don’t have all the books I’ve ever read (or even their titles), the sum total of those books create the experiences within me. Those unnamed and forgotten books and their authors are still a huge part of my life, sometimes popping up like Easter eggs in software programs — I’m reminded of a story or a character or a scene and… bam! They’re back!  It’s like meeting up with an old friend.

I want to do the same for others.

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My goals are simple:

I write and publish.

Others read and share.

Thus the lives of others are enriched by my stories. Just as my life has been enriched by the stories of others.

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As an author entrepreneur, I want to build a network of people who love reading and writing just as much as I do.

The gatekeepers are changing in the world of traditional publishing and, you know what?

I want to be a part of that change!

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I believe that the new “gatekeepers” in the realm of the self-published will be:

Fantastic stories and characters that stay with the reader for days after they finish reading.

The ability to reach the readers that your stories will matter to.

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I’ve read and subscribed to numerous blogs and find that, a lot of the time, I unsubscribe from them a few weeks after I subscribe because their posts grow unsubstantial and too touchy-feely, the lack of solid content overwhelming.

I’ve read cheesy sales pages and sales pitches where I stop reading what their item does and know the price is going to be out of my price range by how many emotional strings the writer is attempting to tug on.

And I feel that my own blog has been this way in the past — my posts have no solid or evergreen content or eventually become my own online journal entries.

Nor am I a salesman — I want to provide people with what they want, not try to convince them they need something when they don’t.

Damn Fine Words by James Chartrand of Men With Pens would be a stepping stone to the business-side of being that author-entrepreneur that I long to become.

As you might be able to tell by the title of this post, I didn’t do so great at my #Row80 goals these past couple of days.

I could chalk it up to “it’s the first week — just gotta get into the swing of things — didn’t have time…,” but honestly, I had time and every intention… I simply continued to get sidetracked as the days went on.

So, a review of my goals this week:

1.  To finish the pre-planning of DISCONTINUITY this week.

2.  Once that basic pre-planning is finished: to write 500 words a day, at least, of fiction towards completing either DISCONTINUITY or WHEN EVIL KNOCKS.   

Why it hasn’t happened yet:

I’ve been SIDETRACKED!  It seems that every time I start trying to do something towards my pre-planning, something HAPPENS.

Sundays tend to be my husband and I laying about the house.  Naps and sheer laziness are in abundance on Sundays.  I did do a little bit of work. But not enough to count for anything.

However, I did write — I wrote up last Friday’s observations and sent them to Mendy.  I’ve kinda got a mentor who’s teaching me about equine psychology and training.  I love horses and have never had the opportunity to do anything with them.  Last Friday, I watched as she worked with a two-year-old stud colt towards catching and haltering him and a yearling filly who was absolutely warm and fuzzy and adorable!

Yes, my love of horses and my current obsession with learning everything I possibly can — especially in situations where I can have hands-on experience — has sidetracked me

Image via Wikipedia

Oh!  My husband and I finished up Season 5 of Doctor Who on Netflix — so that was two episodes that night.

Monday: I think I did the same thing I always do.  Read and answer email, cry about the election and the news, took Natasha to school and back.  We hitched a ride back from school with a neighbor because her aide mentioned that she was acting sick.  Sunday night, she went to bed early, without us knowing, and I took her to school, thinking that if she was running a fever or anything they would call.

I did start working on a contest entry though… James Chartrand of Men With Pens is holding a writing contest for her writing course, Damn Fine Words.  It’s a 10-week course on business writing, subjects like copywriting and sales pages and website copy and great articles — and these are all things we (as self-published authors) want and need to know to grow our blog networks and increase our sales…

Of course, never mind that I don’t have a book out yet, so there’s nothing really to sell.

I also sent an email to Kat from a GoodReads group that I’m becoming more involved with: Psychological Thriller Readers and Writers (All Mystery Genres Welcomed).  She asked for members to volunteer to interview authors (1 interview a month) and I thought that if I wanted to really be able to get something from this, interviewing people myself (as I’ve done in the past) would probably be a great opportunity to ask the questions that I want to know more about

Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Image via Wikipedia

And a glorious hour and a half of the newest Sherlock from the BBC.  Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes makes me all giggly and girly inside.

Tuesday: Yesterday, I kept Natasha home because she was running a fever Monday night and, yup, you guessed it — again Tuesday morning.  So we played Connect Four and I did some Facebook stuff.  I gave her a whole bunch of popsicles and had a morning nap attack (what? You thought they were only for orange and black striped cats?).

I added books to my “to-read” shelf on GoodReads and added a few widgets to my blog.

3.  Do my list of core-strengthening exercises to work on, yep, strengthening my core.

4.  Walk around my neighborhood for 30 minutes a day, not including taking my daughter to school and back.

Yeah. What happened here, you ask?

I just plain out didn’t do the work.  It’s as simple as that.  And probably a lot more due to the inertia I mention in the title of this post than anything else.

Here’s a hint: I don’t really wanna do these two things. 

But, there are things I DO want to do that would probably be a great deal easier if I did them.  Such as horseback riding.  Currently, I’m way more out of shape than I’ve ever been — and, I have to admit, I’ve been that way for almost five years now.  Maybe that sentence has become an excuse in a sense… but it’s true.  Not that I was ever “in shape” to begin with, but I was never THIS heavy.

Image via Wikipedia

Anyway, horseback riding (English or Western, doesn’t really matter) makes use of your core and your posture to do it properly.  There’s nothing really to hold on to — sure, if you ride Western, you’ve got a saddlehorn, but still!  Your core muscles keep you balanced correctly on the horse so you don’t fall off.  The last time I rode, when the horse trotted, I nearly tipped over — and that was from just a second or two!

I need to work on strengthening my core so when I am able to take riding lessons, I’ll be a better rider.

My posture is good — I just can’t maintain it under a trot.  And that’s okay because I can work on that.

Tom and I are purchasing an elliptical machine for our front room in the next couple of weeks (hopefully — that’s the current plan, anyway). Once we have, I’ll not be able to use the excuse that I don’t want to leave my house because I’m reclusive like that.

This next part… don’t think badly of me for saying this.  And, most of all, don’t LAUGH at me.  ;)

Another reason to exercise?  Well… I like the feeling you get from prescription painkillers.  And I’m not entirely stupid enough to try to get them illegally or even legally unless they’re needed.  I really don’t need an addiction to opiates — now or ever — and it’s entirely far more frightening to me than being addicted to caffeine or nicotine.

When you exercise, it releases some of the same chemicals naturally that painkillers act upon.  It’s that sense of calm that I’m looking for — the ability to focus on what you need to focus on, when you need to focus on it.  And not be panicked because you’ve got a thousand other things you want to do at the same time.  And indecisive and unable to prioritize and MAINTAIN that prioritization.  Which is me in a nutshell.

Exercise helps — and I know that.  But it takes work.  And work sucks.  (Which is why people get addicted to opiates in general because they don’t have to work to have those endorphins released.  And those endorphins feel good.  Also, explains why some people feel “addicted” to exercise )

So, now.  I’ve got til Sunday to do what I’ve laid out here that I’m going to do.  And the idea is to complete those goals I’ve said I would do in the week I say that I’ll do them.  For me, that’s important right now.   If anyone has any ideas as to how to sneak exercise into a daily routine so that it doesn’t really feel like “exercise,” I’m all ears.

More #Row80 Check-ins…

I’ve been reading Jenny Hansen’s blog, More Cowbell, and I’ve been considering joining the #Row80 participants (even though I really don’t know who any of them are ).  #Row80 is a writing challenge to help you maintain a specific set of public goals, checking in with the rest of the participants at a specific time.

To me, it sounds as though it’s a way of providing myself with some accountability.  I mean, they’ll expect progress, right?  And, right now, I feel like I need any type of accountability to someone other than myself.

So, voila!  I’m joining #Row80 for the round starting January 3rd through  March 24th.

Here are my set goals:

1.  To finish the pre-planning of DISCONTINUITY this week.  I want to develop the two main characters (at least) and then the basic plot line with a few “candy bar” scenes that I’m really looking forward to writing.  I would like to finish this by next Saturday, so look for my check-in post next Sunday to say I’ve finished it.

2.  Once that basic pre-planning is finished: to write 500 words a day, at least, of fiction towards completing either DISCONTINUITY or WHEN EVIL KNOCKS.  I have to figure out which one I’m going to write first.  Probably DISCONTINUITY since it’s the one closest to my heart.

3.  Do my list of core-strengthening exercises to work on, yep, strengthening my core.  There’s no reason I can’t do these AND write, at least, 500 words a day.

4.  Walk around my neighborhood for 30 minutes a day, not including taking my daughter to school and back.  I’ll also admit, if it’s really fricking cold out there, I may bundle up and go out to see if I like it and if I don’t, I may just figure out something else to do on those days.

Ok, and here I go.  Tomorrow evening, I check in with a friend.  I also need to write two emails to another.

So… here goes!